look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
