The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize