Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
