I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need water and some morals
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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