yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
