You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
