I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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