Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
