The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
