She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
