Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
