WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
