Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
