There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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