i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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