Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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