SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
