He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
