I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize