Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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