Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
