Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize