So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
