I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
