Sponge bath it is.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize