I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
