Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
