He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
