I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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