at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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