it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
