Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
