Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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