wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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