hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
