he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
