Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I look better un-naked...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize