I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
