Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
