One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
