lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
