try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
