my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize