Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
