Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
