Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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