And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
