I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize