just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
