Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
