The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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