Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
