they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How external is "for external use only"?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
