Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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