your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
