I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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