So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
