So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
