Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
