It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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