i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
