I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
