yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
