I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
