She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
