if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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