Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
