I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
