He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
we're so committed to being not committed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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