hotel room ftw
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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