The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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