Pants 0. Shit 1.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
