Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
