I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it hurts more in the daytime
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
