wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
