I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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