Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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