i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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