On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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