I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
