yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
